just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
