oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
