No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Fuck appropriateness.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize