All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
