My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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