I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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