I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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