ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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