stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
