is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
this beer tastes like vomit already
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
