Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
