Pappa wants mamma naked
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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