So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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