So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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