On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize