That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
