DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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