I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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