Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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