I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize