don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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