What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
