What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
