using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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