im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
