so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
