Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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