You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
