saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
