she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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