i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize