i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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