I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Randomize
