I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
