You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
