Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
