fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
