Got a toothbrush?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
