M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
bring money and cleavage
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
