i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
