3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
