She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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