She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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