We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize