the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
