okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
