you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I wish you could order shots online.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
