Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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