i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
