I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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