Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
