ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
