I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just forgot I was standing up.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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