My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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