Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
