i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
