I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
