He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
