Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
50% drunk capacity currently
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Randomize
