Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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