I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Still dying that you shit outside
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
