My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
