By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
