it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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