the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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