I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Randomize
