you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
