Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Randomize
