I showed him my bush... on skype.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
