Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Floor bacon is actually really good
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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