whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
