He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
