reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize