i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
