My nipple is on Facebook.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
