This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
she looked like the before picture.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
