omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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