First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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