to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
