a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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