made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
