You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm really busy with my period
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