Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
