then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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