I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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