So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
