i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
