Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
