Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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