saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
