I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
