Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
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