Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
if only i could text you this smell
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
