You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
