He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize