i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
