Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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