Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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