i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
