I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
