He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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