im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
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