Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
you made out with another girl for some wings
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
