How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
