So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
