Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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