Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
